Why Doesn’t The Thought Count?

September 1, 2011 By admin

Isn’t it the thought that counts? Usually not for much!

Was it a man who invented the rationalization “It’s the thought that counts” to cover his failure to do something important? Or was it a woman who invented it to cover for a man’s failure?

Either way what’s important is that thoughts are worthless––they don’t exist outside of the thinker’s mind and they don’t count for anything––unless they lead to actions. Actions (and inactions) are what count because they are what people experience.

Let’s run some scenarios:

He says, “I meant to get you a gift.”

She thinks, “He didn’t just forget. He knew what was expected and still didn’t follow through.”

He says, “I tried to get you a gift.”

She thinks, “How hard can it be?” and “How important am I anyway?”

He says, “It’s the thought that counts, dear.”

She thinks, “Why didn’t he follow through?”

Better to say you screwed up and are sorry and you will do your best to see that it doesn’t happen again. Fallen on your sword with an apology is required; but the whole mess leaves a hollow place in the love.

And if you have really tried and failed, make your failed effort the gift. One of my father’s best friends tried for years to get him some Tompkins County King apples––his favorite from his childhood fifty years earlier. Several Christmases in a row his gift was the correspondence (pre-internet) of her attempts to find those apples. That showed effort and that equaled caring and love and respect for the friendship.

I have failed. The only time my mother ever yelled at me with real anger was when I returned home for Christmas without any gifts. The memory always hurts.

Now, I usually cover with something less adequate until I can make it right. In a pinch I have drawn a picture of a gift with an explanation of my efforts and when I expect those efforts to produce results.

Offering nothing where something is supposed to be leaves a gaping hole!

It is the effort that counts only when the effort produces results!

Thinking, no matter how well intentioned, will only get you in trouble if that is all you did.

The thought, unpursued, is an insult.

Why Don’t I Get Respect?

April 9, 2011 By admin

I got serious about recycling about ten years ago. Before then I didn’t recycle. I believed that recycling shouldn’t be required until it could support itself financially. As my father said, when his city made him do the sorting of recyclables into bins, “I didn’t retire to become a trash man.”

My wife was an early fan of recycling and spent years politely coercing me to do more recycling. Ten years ago she became the Executive Director of ALPAR (Alaskans for Litter Prevention and Recycling). I become an active recycler to support her in her career choice.

I still didn’t believe in recycling that couldn’t support itself financially, but I decided to do what she believes is the right thing. (And recycling in Alaska has its own unique financial challenges because of its isolation.)

I stopped dragging my feet on recycling and started doing all of the things she wanted me to do––without objection. And this is where it got tricky.

I got no respect for doing the right thing! I got no respect because she said I wasn’t recycling for the right reasons. Doing the right thing and supporting her didn’t count because I still didn’t “believe” in recycling. All I got from her was a reprieve from criticism for not recycling and continued comments about my lack of belief.

This floored me. It is easy to do the things you believe in. It is harder to do things, even proper things, when you don’t believe in them. I thought the latter would garner more respect, not less.

I have now become a believer (as has my father) in both the necessity and advantages of recycling, regardless of the financials.

But I have given thought to the difference between doing something because you believe in it and doing it because others tell you it is the right thing to do. I think that doing something you don’t believe in because the majority of people influencing you, whom you trust, are telling you to do it is a superior moral act to merely following a belief. My wife doesn’t agree . . . and I am coming to believe that she may not be in the minority.

Even still, a person’s actions must be far more important than their beliefs. It is only actions that can cause good––and harm. Beliefs don’t do anything until they are acted on.

In my perfect world actions would be the only things that count; and good actions taken without the underpinning of a “proper” belief would count even more.